Make Change Work for You

Change is all around us because nothing really stays the same, no matter how much we'd like it to.

It may seem uncomfortable a lot of the time but we can make change work for us if we recognise the 2 types of change and become aware of how we react to them.

The first type of change is what we do ourselves - moving the furniture round, having a new hair cut or changing our cars. These are things we choose to do.  We feel comfortable because we feel we have control over them.

But the second type of change is what happens to us.  It's often uninvited and sometimes we feel like our whole lives are being shaken up and pushed around.

Some people love change, look forward to it and get a kick out of uncertainty.  For a lot of us though, managing change in situations that we thought we knew and were happy with is a source of anxiety.

For these folk, change can be difficult.  Here are 4 steps that will help you adapt more easily.

Step 1.  Just stop.

You know change is coming, you can feel that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach or the butterflies rise in your chest as your blood pressure goes up and your mind is rushing ahead with ifs, buts and maybes.

Take a breath and acknowledge these objections, visualise gathering them all together and putting them in a drawer.  Now push the drawer closed. You can come back to them later if they are still valid.

Step 2. The Chinese character for 'crisis' is a combination of the characters for danger and for opportunity.  When you've got over the shock of the change/proposed change and pushed your fears off into the drawer, ask yourself what opportunities this change might bring.

There are no set time lines for dealing with change and some steps in this process will take longer to adjust to than others.  For example, if your parent's announcement to re-marry and move from near you in California to Texas might have a big emotional impact on you.  But new members of your step-family could help you with projects, introduce you to new things and show you a part of the country you don't know.

A company re-structure, even redundancy, brings positive and negative challenges and opportunities for personal and career development.

Step 3. What can you learn from this change?  New people and new situations stretch us and push us out of our comfort zones.  This is the way we learn new things and often surprise ourselves with how easy it can be.

Remember the phrase 'my mind is like a parachute - it works best when it's open'. In order to open our minds we have to go through steps 1 and 2 so that we can move on through the change.

Step 4.  Minimise the negatives.  Despite stopping, pushing away anxieties and opening your mind, change may still be difficult.

So minimise the negatives by using your support network to help you through.  Who's a good listener?  Who has sound advice?  Who's been through this before?  A word of caution though - look for people who will help rather than those who will compound your worries and agree with you about how awful everything is.

By devising a plan of what you need to do - and doing it - you will feel more confident to deal with what's happening around you.  Even if that plan is to do nothing and wait to see how the situation unfolds.

Step 5. If you're a journal writer, this will certainly help now.  Keeping a journal can be very therapeutic in stressful times and may stop you from venting your frustration at the wrong person.  It's also useful to read after the event so that you can look back and see how much you've learned and that things weren't as bad as you feared.  This helps you face the next change with more confidence.

If you are the one who is imposing change on other people, either directly or indirectly through a ripple effect, remember how they might be feeling.

You can reduce their stress levels by getting them involved and highlighting the positives of the change. Try:

1. Letting them know as much as you can as soon as you can so that they have time to think about things.
2. Let them discuss the change, what's happening and why.
3. Get their ideas and listen to their concerns. Help them find answers to their questions.
4. If you can, take small steps in the change process so that they can adapt at their own pace.

Change often strengthens us, help us grow and makes us better parents/colleagues /children/community members. Sometimes it takes time to see the wood for the trees. Give yourself time but keep moving forwards.